This is a REALLY tough thing your going through, and you are one one the strongest people i know for being able to deal with this. It will probably hurt more than anything you ever thought you can handle but just focus on getting through the day for now only time can heal the wounds from a tragedy like this. You are not a bad person, just trying to ease pain. something bad happened to me about two weeks ago. I had a really bad situation occur and i felt REALLY love sick. i couldn't eat, sleep, think, or do much of anything. I was constantly throwing up and shaking. i didnt think i could ever get through it but i knew if i fought it would make me a better person. i know what your going through must be much worse. but hang on and feel better for your friends familly and all of us here who want to see you better.