JOKES & LESSONS

[Darth Clouds]

Everyone, please feel free to add to this thread. Hope someone will find inspiration or lighten up his/her day from reading one of them listed:lol:

 

THE DONKEY

 

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal

cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what

to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well

needed to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to

retrieve the donkey.

 

 

He invited all his neighbors to come over and help him. They all

grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At

first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried

horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

 

 

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the

well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt

that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He

would shake it off and take a step up.

 

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the

animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon,

everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of

the well and happily trotted off!

 

 

MORAL :

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The

trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a

step up. Each of our troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out

of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up!

Shake it off and take a step up.

 

 

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

 

 

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.

 

 

2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.

 

 

3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.

 

 

4. Give more.

 

 

5. Expect less

[Darth Clouds]

MANAGEMENT LESSON:

 

Johnny wanted to have sex with a girl in his office,

but she belonged to someone else...

 

 

One day, Johnny got so frustrated that he went up to

her and said, "I'll give you a $100 if you let me

screw you. But the girl said NO.

 

 

Johnny said, "I'll be fast. I'll throw the money on

the floor, you bend down, and I'll be finished by the

time you pick it up. "

 

 

She thought for a moment and said that she would have

to consult her boyfriend... So she called her

boyfriend and told him the story.

 

 

Her boyfriend says, "Ask him for $200, pick up the

money very fast, he won't even be able to get his

pants down."

 

 

So she agrees and accepts the proposal. Half an hour

goes by, and the boyfriend is waiting for his

girlfriend to call.

 

 

Finally, after 45 minutes, the boyfriend calls and

asks what happened.

 

 

She responded, "The bastard used coins!"

 

 

 

Management lesson: Always consider a business proposal

in its entirety before agreeing to it and getting

screwed!

[Laspector[TK]]

In the one about the donkey if you replaced the word "dirt" with "sh!t" it would seem more appropriate to modern life.

 

my girlfriend tells me I worry too much.

She says 80% of the things you worry about will never happen.

Therefore doesn't logic dictate; "the more things you worry about, the less they will happen to you"?

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was just a joke--she didn't like it either.

[Darth Clouds]

In the one about the donkey if you replaced the word "dirt" with "sh!t" it would seem more appropriate to modern life.

 

my girlfriend tells me I worry too much.

She says 80% of the things you worry about will never happen.

Therefore doesn't logic dictate; "the more things you worry about, the less they will happen to you"?

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was just a joke--she didn't like it either.

 

 

Hi,

 

I would define "sh*t" as issues that we hope that do not happen in our lives, but as we mature, we find that "sh*t" is all part of our lives. So, I would take it as they come and address them to the best of my resource and abilities.

 

But "dirt" is something that others throws at you, i.e. accusations, fabrications, etc. It applies to work, social life etc.

 

Just have to learn and be mindful to turn disadavantaged positions in our favour, liabilities into assets.

 

The world is what we make of it, through each individual acts and deeds.

 

I will stick with "dirt" and not change that to "sh*t".

[TK-4510[TK]]

Thanks man, I actually needed that right now.

[Darth Clouds]

Thanks man, I actually needed that right now.

 

All of us will need this sort of things some time or other. Keep cool and peace, and wish everthing will turn out all right in the end

[Darth Clouds]

This explains why we forward jokes.

 

 

Friends

 

 

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The

man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly

occurred to him that he was dead.

 

 

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking

beside him had been dead for years. He wondered

where the road was leading them.

 

 

After a while, they came to a high, white stone

wall along one side of the road. It looked like

fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was

broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

 

 

When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent

gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl,

and the street that led to the gate looked like

pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate,

and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one

side.

 

 

When he was close enough, he called out, "Excuse

me, where are we?"

 

 

"This is Heaven, sir," the man answered.

 

 

 

"Wow! Would you happen to have some water?" the man

asked.

 

 

 

"Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some

ice water brought right up."

 

 

T he man gestured, and the gate began to open.

 

 

"Can my friend," gesturing toward his dog, "come

in, too?" the traveler asked.

 

 

I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets."

 

 

The man thought a moment and then turned back

toward the road and continued the way he had been

going with his dog.

 

 

After another long walk, and at the top of another

long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a

farm gate that looked as if it had never been

closed. There was no fence.

 

 

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside,

leaning against a tree and reading a book.

 

 

"Excuse me!" he called to the man. "Do you have any

water?"

 

 

 

"Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on

in."

 

 

 

"How about my friend here?" the traveler gestured

to the dog.

 

 

 

"There's a bowl by the pump."

 

 

 

They went through the gate, and sure enough, there

was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside

it.

 

 

The traveler filled the water bowl and took a long

drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.

 

 

When they were full, he and the dog walked back

toward the man who was standing by the tree.

 

 

What do you call this place?" the traveler asked.

 

 

"This is Heaven," he answered.

 

 

"Well, that's confusing," the traveler said. "The

man down the road said that was Heaven, too."

 

 

 

"Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and

pearly gates? Nope. That's hell."

 

 

"Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name

like that?"

 

 

"No, we're just happy that they screen out the

folks who would leave their best friends behind."

 

 

Soooo...

 

 

Sometimes, we wonder why friends keep forwarding

jokes to us without writing a word.

 

 

Maybe this will explain.

 

 

When you are very busy, but still want to keep in

touch, guess what you do? You forward jokes.

 

 

When you have nothing to say, but still want to

keep contact, you forward jokes.

 

 

When you have something to say, but don't know

what, and don't know how, you forward jokes.

 

 

 

Also to let you know that you are still

remembered, you are still important, you are still

loved, you are still cared for, guess what you get?

 

 

A forwarded joke.

 

 

So, next time if you get a joke, don't think that

you've been sent just another forwarded joke, but

that you've been thought of today and your friend

on the other end of your computer wanted to send

you a smile.

 

 

You are all welcome @ my water bowl anytime !